“Taming the Tongue” Colchester Federated Church, September 15, 2024, Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost (James 3:1-12)

As we continue our exploration of The Letter of James, today we are contemplating the taming of our tongues.  The timing of Lectionary texts is sometimes quite apropos.  James begins by talking about the power of teachers.  In this section of the letter James (remember this is the brother of Jesus sharing wisdom here), speaks about the importance of teachers.  James believes that teachers have responsibilities and roles within faith communities.  Because teachers can have a profound influence on others.  Those who teach us—by word and deed—can make a long-lasting impression on our lives.  Teachers therefore have a responsibility to be careful about what they teach.  James is cautioning teachers (but all of us, really) to be careful about what we say. 

This passage makes me recall an insightful statement made by Craig Ferguson—comedian and former TV host of the Late Late Show.  Craig Ferguson once said that it took him three marriages to learn an important lesson about communication.  Ferguson said, “Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything.  1) Does this need to be said?  2) Does this need to be said by me?  3) Does this need to be said by me now?”[1]  We could summarize this advice by saying that we would do well to think before we speak.  We are encouraged to tame our tongues.  It’s helpful that Craig Ferguson lays it out like this even in the midst of a comedy bit.  It’s a good reminder that before we say anything, we can ask ourselves some questions.  Does this need to be said?  Does this actually need to be said by me?  Does this need to be said by me right now?  The overall point being that our words matter.

James shares a couple of powerful metaphors as he lays out this idea of taming one’s tongue.  Once again, this is timeless wisdom.  We can consider how bridled horses have bits in their mouths that can lead them wherever the rider needs the horse to go.  Or think about a ship.  Ships are so large that strong winds are needed to drive them across the waters.  Back in James’ day there weren’t motors after all.  Though pilots would direct ships wherever they need to go with a small rudder.  Or consider how a small flame can set an entire forest on fire.  Many wildfires are caused by human activity.  Sometimes it can be as seemingly innocuous as an unattended campfire that unfortunately spreads out of control when the environmental conditions are hot or dry or windy.  Suddenly, a whole forest can be in flames.  James is saying that the tongue is like a small flame of fire that can be equally destructive.  And James contends that no one can tame the tongue.  At least not fully.

James laments that with our tongues, “we both bless the Lord and Father and curse human beings made in God’s likeness.  Blessing and cursing come from the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, it just shouldn’t be this way!  Both fresh water and salt water don’t come from the same spring, do they?  My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree produce olives?  Can a grapevine produce figs?  Of course not, and fresh water doesn’t flow from a saltwater spring either.”[2] 

Once again, James is sharing powerful images that help get his point across about the importance of taming our tongues.  We know that fresh water and salt water can’t come from the same spring.  We know that a fig tree doesn’t produce olives.  Therefore, we are being encouraged to question when blessing and cursing come from the same mouth, especially our own mouths. 

Make no mistake, James is quite specific.  He is asking some uncomfortable questions when he’s seemingly talking about horses and ships and forest fires and water and fig trees.  How can someone bless God and then curse human beings who are made in the very image and likeness of God?  How can someone say that they are a follower of Jesus and then treat fellow human beings with disgust and disdain?  Are we starting to understand why there are still plenty of Christians who do not like The Letter of James?  James of Jerusalem does not mince his words.  His whole point is that faith is dead without faithful activity.  We can bless God all we want, but if we curse our neighbors and don’t love them as Jesus taught—what’s the point? 

So, what do we do with this wisdom from James’ Letter about taming our tongues?  Of course we know that we will never get it right all the time, but shouldn’t we at least try?  We can keep in mind that there’s this psychological concept that our brains are programmed to have a negativity bias.  When someone says something hurtful, people sometimes play that insult over and over in their heads.  This can go on for years in some cases.  Or maybe we hear several compliments and one negative comment, and we can’t help but focus on that one negative comment and give almost no weight whatsoever to the compliments received.  Sometimes we hyper focus on negative news.  Sometimes we witness political campaigns that go negative by attacking the opponent.  The sad state of affairs is that political smear campaigns often prove to be effective with voters and negative news is often consumed more than positive news stories.  Negativity and downright nastiness can have a big impact on our brains with our innate negativity bias.

As an article in Psychology Today helpfully explains, “Our capacity to weigh negative input so heavily most likely evolved for a good reason—to keep us out of harm’s way.  From the dawn of human history, our very survival depended on our skill at dodging danger.  The brain developed systems that would make it unavoidable for us not to notice danger and thus, hopefully, respond to it.  All well and good.  Having the built-in brain apparatus supersensitive to negativity means that the same bad-news bias also is at work in every sphere of our lives at all times.”[3]

It helps to at least know and understand what’s going on here because our brains are supersensitive to negativity.  There has been extensive research done about negativity bias and its effect on relationships.  For instance, the magic ratio in happy marriages is five to one.  Five times as many positive feelings and interactions as one negative.  Notice how far that is from a fifty-fifty ratio.  That plays out in other intimate relationships—the frequency of small positive acts in a ratio of five positive to one negative seems to be the magical ratio for health and happiness.[4] 

The truth is that negative words and actions have a large impact on us.  It seems that relationships are more strongly affected by negative interactions than positive.  Psychologist Roy Baumeister explains, “What’s more important is to not do the bad things—can you hold your tongue when you’re angry or refrain from saying that something is their fault; or, when the family budget is stretched, can I refrain from an impulsive splurge?  Negative things matter way more than positive things; so rather than reciprocating when your partner is being difficult or unpleasant, it’s especially important for you to ride it out and be positive and not fall into the trap of turning negative yourself.”[5]

In the end, we can remember the timeless wisdom shared by James about taming our tongues.  A small flame can set a whole forest on fire.  Our tongues can bless God and curse those made in the very image and likeness of God.  Blessing and cursing can come from the same person.  And sometimes that person is us.  So, let’s do our best to speak and act with love.  Thanks be to God.  Amen.

[1] Craig Ferguson, Goodreads Quotes, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7897967-ask-yourself-the-three-things-you-must-always-ask-yourself
[2] James 3:9-13, CEB.
[3] Hara Estroff Marano, “Our Brain’s Negative Bias,” Psychology Today, June 20, 2003, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias
[4] Ibid.
[5] Roy Baumeister as quoted by Jill Suttie, “How to Overcome Your Brain’s Fixation on Bad Things,” Greater Good Magazine, January 13, 2020, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_overcome_your_brains_fixation_on_bad_things

Photo by Matt Howard on Unsplash